i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
