You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dear god my vagina.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
