Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
