sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This baby is an asshole
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
