Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
