and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
