he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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