bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
