1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
