I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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