at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
