Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
