I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
