i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
