I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
