The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize