As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
