this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
