watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
