They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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