I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
