girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
