we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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