Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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