Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
