I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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