gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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