your room smells of hookers.
And success
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
