I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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