evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
