Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
