Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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