ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
