I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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