How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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