I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
