Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
