I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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