hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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