he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
