I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
COCAINE IS GR8
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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