you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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