I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
