I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
