did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
