I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
