the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it's like iHOP with fire
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
