It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
