Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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