well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
