Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
