I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
