Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize