NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
