that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
