the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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