just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
