Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
