If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
