We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it hurts more in the daytime
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
