Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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