shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I would fuck him just for his dog
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
