i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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