the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
