WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
