Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
