Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
