awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
