how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
