White coat. Heels.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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