Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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