Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I believe in your delicious
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize