just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
