They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
