yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
